missing momma

the first mother's day without my mom.

today was not easy.

i do so well normally, but then a day like mother's day comes around and the secondary loss is felt.

it is hard to celebrate mothers and not yearn to have my own here on earth with me.
it is hard to celebrate mothers and not regret taking more pictures, spending more time, and living closer to her.
it is hard to celebrate mothers when sometimes i miss her so badly i can almost reach out and touch her. i can see her weathered hands and chipped pink nail polish.
it is hard to celebrate mothers when i want so very badly to just have one more minute, one more hug, one more moment to tell her i love her.
i miss her.
i miss her so very much.
and most days i do ok, but today the tears are here, they started when the primary kids sang "father in heaven has sent me to you"
i know i was sent to my mom on purpose.
the tears have come and gone, but now, typing this out they are really starting to come so i will sit here and remember her and try to feel her arms around me.
i love you momma.
{here are a few random pics of momma from the past several years. }

"no other success can compensate for failure in the home." david o mckay
my momma did not fail.
i hope i can be like her.

happy mother's day to all of the wonderful women in my life.

padres opening week

robin had box seats to the padres during opening week and chris and i got to tag along. i am not a huge sports fan, but whenever box seats are available, i am in. it was catered with all types of yummy food and i sat on a comfy leather couch most of the game. love that!

mini photo session{maybe i got a bit bored ok?}

the field.

father and son loving our awesome seats.

i told them to pose and this is what i got:
{i won't be asking that again}

cleaning with gamma

i am loving this:

the more help i can get the better!

ava, paisley and the bucket

one saturday we had ava over for the day so that tommy could go up to the house and help chris. we loved having her and the girls just loved playing with water in the bucket outside.

splashing, dumping, playing, water is so fun!

uncle dj even played too!

easter {i know, maybe someday i will be caught up}

this easter my in-laws were in utah so it was just us young folks for the egg hunt and dinner. we put together a super tasty dinner and had a good time with the three kiddos that were in attendance. amy and tommy and wendy and scott came as well, and amy brought bunny ears for pais and carson-they were so cute!

paisley and her dadda.

paisley and ava staring each other down at the start of the egg hunt. it took a minute for paisley to get the idea down, but once she did, she was off gathering all the eggs she could see.

my little egg hunter, don't you love the cheese stick hanging out her mouth? she is a multi-tasker.

found another one.

so happy to find more eggs! she did not care what was in the eggs, she just wanted to put them in her basket.

my two favorite people.

easter 2010

close up.

showing my support for the cougs. and chris with his beach/surf egg that i made him.

my favorite part of the day, paisley wanted to sit on my lap and shake and open all of the eggs and then re-fill them and do it all over. oh how i love this girl.

the last activity of the night, is the egg roll which is a gunnerson tradition. wendy won for a long while, but then scott came in for the kill and ended up winning overall.