{IV's in both hand in less then 24 hrs-awesome.}
I started to feel pregnant at the end of January. I took at pregnancy test on February 11 that came back positive. I saw my old doctor (I can’t see her anymore because she no longer accepts my insurance) once the 25th of February and she confirmed pregnancy and said she could see a heart beat. She put me at about 5 or 6 weeks. Fast forward to April 1, I had my first appointment with a new doctor, she could not find a heartbeat (after trying 2 different kinds of ultrasound) and said the baby was only measuring at 6 weeks 1 day. She strongly thought that the baby was not growing and had probably died a few weeks previous. So I wait one whole miserable week until I can see her again and see if there is a heartbeat or growth. I saw her the following Friday and there wasn’t much growth and she still couldn’t find a heartbeat, but she wanted to double check and sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound there. We went ahead and scheduled a d & c for Tuesday, assuming that she was right. The ultrasound tech is not allowed to tell me anything they see, but since I didn’t hear from my doctor, I assumed her suspicions were confirmed and planned for the d & c on Tuesday. That Monday before my d&c, I get a call from my doctor saying they did find a heartbeat, congrats and I’ll see you in three weeks. WHAT?!?! That doesn’t make sense, especially since she said the ultrasound at the hospital said the baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day on Friday, I took a pregnancy test 8 weeks ago. Something did not add up and it is the dates. I was so exhausted from being in pregnant mode, then gearing up for lets get in awesome shape for summer and make the most of not being pregnant mode and then back to pregnant but something is not right mode. I had felt pregnant for like 12 weeks and am showing WAY more then a normal 6 weeks pregnancy in my opinion, not to mention that I had gained 5 lbs-which is more then double what you should at 6 weeks…something just didn't seem right.
I am feeling like the boy who cried wolf, but nothing is in my control. I taught the lesson on the Sunday between the ultrasound and phone call for all the YW and I told them about loosing the baby and then I felt so bad that all the young women were totally sad for me-one of my sweet beehives brought me cookies and a card Sunday night, her mom said she was really sad for me. The RS had meals planned for Tuesday and Wednesday…I felt so dumb.
So, that monday night I called my original doctor and told her the story, she was awesome and told me to come in that night, to hopefully get some answers. My appointment was at 7pm. She met with me fro about an hour. We did 2 ultrasounds, at one point she thought she had a heartbeat, but then quickly said no, it was just my own pulse. Ultimately she told me not to get tied to either option, but was thinking that the fetus probably died for whatever reason shortly after or first visit and for some reason my body was not letting it go. She told me to schedule with the other doctor for 2 weeks instead of 3 and get an ultrasound at the hospital before my next appointment. She really thought that I would miscarry on my own in that time. So i waited...all the while not feeling awesome, and training for my triathlon.
Two weeks past and nothing happened. So monday, the 25th I headed to the hospital. Chris surprised me and met me there with flowers-he is so great! I so really happy to have him there, because they turn the screen away from the bed, but from chris's chair he could see it and therefore spy on all the info. We told the tech the story and at the end when I was changing my clothes, she told Chris that she would agree with our doctor-that the baby had been dead for almost 2 months, Chris saw that they baby still only measured 6 weeks, 1 day. I was SO glad that I had talked to Dr. Moein(my original dr) 2 weeks previous, so that I was already geared up for this response. She totally saved me from one more up and down on the roller coaster that was my April.
So that monday night I started bleeding on my own, and when I say bleeding, I mean like insane amounts of blood. I was going through an overnight pad every 8 minutes, I could barely stand and would feel so nauseous I would just have to lay down wherever I was-the kitchen, the bathroom, etc...I felt like I wanted to throw up all night, and eventually did. I called both of my doctors and Dr. Moein said if I was bleeding through more then 1-2 pads an hour, to go to the ER. At about 11:30, after a blessing from Chris and Robin, I thought I was through the worst of it, so we geared up for bed and went to sleep, about 40 minutes later, I woke up in a pool of blood. It was everywhere. I stumbled to the bathroom and told chris we needed to go to the ER. It seriously looked like a crime scene in my bathroom and room. Robin came back to our house so Paisley could stay sleeping.
The ER was packed, even sitting in a wheelchair I could barely hold my head up to sign papers. They got me in pretty quick and went strait to ultrasound. I will spare you all the long, boring details, the gist of it being that we didn't sleep at all that night, I was on an exam table and not a bed{read: ULTRA uncomfortable}, my blood pressure was so low I could only get one pain pill{at about 2am} for my cramps{not nearly enough} and basically still felt pretty terrible when they checked us out at 9am.
We needed to follow up with my new doctor, but she has 2 offices and was of course in the one that was far from where we were/live. So we drove over there{did I mention how awful all of the car rides were, they made me feel even worse}, and Chris basically carried me in, because of course they didn't have a wheelchair. It felt like a really long appointment to me and very painful-she removed A LOT of blood clots. I was so tired, so hungry, and so just exhausted emotionally and physically. They took my blood pressure, 80 over 30-not good. I needed to be admitted to the hospital. So we loaded back in the car and checked into the hospital that was right next door.{this is a silver lining, this hospital is only for women and newborns, it was fantastic! so much better then the other hospital we were at, i think i will deliver my next baby there for sure}
So they wheeled me up, and got ready prepping me for surgery, did i mention my doc decided we needed to do a d&c?? She wanted to get everything out so the bleeding would stop. I did not want a d&c, but was so out of it, and tired and wanting it to end, so I went with it. I was beyond dehydrated{and starving!} so of course my veins were flat and of course I need an IV in for surgery. The nurses tried 4 times and the anaesthesiologist tried 4 or 5 times before getting an IV in the side of my wrist. SO PAINFUL. I was laying on the operating table, all alone, with tears just rolling down my face. Operating rooms are scary, I began praying and praying hard that I would make it, that I would be able to have more babies, that the dr would be gentle with my uterus, etc... Somehow I made it through and was so happy to feel my hand begin to tingle. After that I was in the recovery area. I could barely keep my eyes open, but the nurses kept waking me to check on me and try and get me to drink water. Eventually I forced myself to stay awake enough to eat some crackers and drink juice so that I could feel good enough to go home and get some solid sleep. Luckily I have THE BEST in-laws ever who kept Paisley all day, did laundry, cleaned my crime scene bed and bathroom and brought dinner to the house. So thankful for them! Chris and i finally got home at 4 ish and he walked me strait back to my fresh sheeted bed to sleep. I slept for several hours, awoke to eat some dinner and make some phone calls and then we both went to bed at 8ish. Paisley stayed at my in-laws so we could sleep in.
I woke up that Wednesday morning, happy to have it all past and over and done with and ready to move on. Unfortunately, it hasn't been a speedy or easy recovery as I would have hoped. My body is taking a long time to recover the amount of blood that I lost, starting Wednesday night until about the following Tuesday I had a headache like I have never had. Whenever my eyes were open it hurt, so bad. Taking 2 percocet at a time did nothing for it. I finally got some vikoden that helped a little. Those few days were really hard for me, I just wanted to be over it to be past it and having a debilitating headache where I could do nothing but lay down or sleep was hard. I slept basically all of that friday and the rest of the days took several naps a day. I have been doing better as of the end of last week. On Wednesday I took Paisley to her toddler dance class and it was basically too much for me, so embarrassing, it is a half an hour class and before the end I was so white that the other moms were offering to go get water for me.
So now I am feeling pretty good, but still having to take it slow, which is so hard for me. I am ready to move on! Oh did I mention that my triathlon that I have been training for since January was the Saturday after my d&c?? Obviously I had to miss it, that was hard, I cried a bunch about that. Recovering from a d&c is intense, no swimming for 6 weeks, I am hoping to get the go ahead to try working out again soon. That is something that is really hard for me, I have about 10 extra lbs on me, from the pregnancy, hormones, not working out, Easter, etc and am just ready for them to be gone. If i am not going to be pregnant, then I at least want my body from February back and back now. I am trying to focus on what I can control: my food and my attitude. It is not easy.
Whew, if you made it to the end, congrats, this is by far the longest post I was ever posted and surprisingly I actually left stuff out. In the last year and a half I have lost my mom, miscarried on the 1 year anniversary of her death, and miscarried a second time forcing me to miss my triathlon. I am ready for a season on sunshine. I am ready to feel good. I am ready to feel good about myself in my clothes. I am ready to stop crying so much. I am ready. I will be up again soon, don't worry about me.
